She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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