it wasn't lemon gatorade
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
