from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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