awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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