i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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