if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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