Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
