I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
