I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
