honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
