THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
