I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
