I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
