i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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