i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
