i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
