woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
