Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
