You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
