just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
