there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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