It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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