How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
