shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
