She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
