He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
