i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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