My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
