considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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