you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
