She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
