I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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