I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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