Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
