it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
