so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
