I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
