someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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