idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
