Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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