I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Congratulations! We have a period
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
