i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
