my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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