Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
