Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
