So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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