New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How's work?
Spinning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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