Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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