I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
