Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
