I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
