Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
