Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
