It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
