found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
