i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
