Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she looked like the before picture.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
