Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
