I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize